Eight years ago when we made the decision to adopt a little girl from China, we attended all the classes, read the suggested books, and spoke with the experienced adoptive parents about what to expect. One topic I paid special attention to: comments from others. "Why didn't you adopt from America?"..."Does she speak English?"..."Do you know her real parents?"..."Oh look, you had a natural baby after you adopted."..."Oh what a lucky girl that you adopted her!"...and the list goes on.
I have encountered these type questions here and there, and I handled the person's ignorance or maybe just plain stupidity, and then raged in my head alone afterwards. Now, however, Lady O is right there with me and at seven years old, understands the questions which angers me more. She is no longer shielded from the ignorance, unfortunately.
At this stage of the game I consider America quite diverse and growing evermore in it's vicissitude. Because of this I am still somewhat caught off guard by comments from peers about our family makeup. Today's question came from her classmate whilst we were dining in the school cafeteria...
Boy: "Who is that??"
Lady O: "My Mom."
Boy: "You said you were adopted, right?"
Lady O: "Yes."
Boy: "What's your REEAL Mom's name?"
Lady O: "I don't know."
Me: "I"M her REAL Mom."
Boy: "But she said she's adopted."
Me smiling: "She sure is, and I. am. her. REAL. Mom."
Boy: Blank stare
I then privately explained to Lady O why *I* am her real Mom, but like we talked about before, she has a 'birth-mom' in China.
He is a child, and so I am forced to stay calm and answer his questions with the hopes of educating him, because I understand children are curious and still learning about the world. And well, it is sort of frowned upon for an adult to throw-down with a second grader. (Damnit.) What I'd like to know is 'where is his Mother?!'
Anyway, maybe it is I who am in the wrong..maybe I am in an adoption bubble and expect too much from the general public. I always try to be considerate of others and their various situations, and teach my children to do the same, but I expect the same in return.
--A
